Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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