Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
