It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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