just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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