she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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