Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Randomize
