she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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