Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
