Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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