for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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