My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
