you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
