I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
