I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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