I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
