Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
