you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
