apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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