she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I don't think brook has ever known best
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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