I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
