The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
