Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
