I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
50% drunk capacity currently
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
