you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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