I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
