I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
