One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
