Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
