I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
