Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We left the knife in your bed.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
