And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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