Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
