You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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