Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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