hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
