Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I need to align my fucking chakras
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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