Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
