it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
