Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I wish there were birth control emojis
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
