I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
