his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
