(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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