So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
