dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
