i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
