This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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