Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
