I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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