Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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