You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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