i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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