So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
