Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
